Happy Birthday Dad
Sharon took this photo near Lawrence. I had to ask her if it was a real place in Kansas.She said, Yes!
September 25, 2014. Dad would have turned 100 today.
As mom grew into her final years people would often speak to me about the possibility of her living to be 100 — that was never a thought for dad. He died young and unexpectedly at age 71. In 1986 and Mom won the grand prize at the Oak Park Mall. It was a seven day cruise in the Bahamas. This is the only thing mom had ever won in her life and dad agreed to go because he knew she had always wanted to go on a cruise. On the first morning of the cruise dad woke up and spoke to mom about their plans for the day. Then he closed his eyes and that was “it”.
During the last years of Mom’s life I came to realize that it was when dad died that she regained control of her own life. That is when her deep strength surfaced and carried her nearly three more decades. She did not sink – she soared. She was her own boss once again. I am grateful that she lived long enough for me to spend so much time with her and that I could have an opportunity to see and share who she truly was in her own treasured terms and lifestyle. As a child there was no place for me to see this powerful side of her because dad was unquestionably the boss. Without a doubt he was my inspiration for strength and I am grateful to have had a strong father figure. During my childhood there was never a place for mom’s underlying strength to be visible even though it was always there. She was the humble strength on the sidelines holding dad and raising her family.
Getting to know this powerful side of my mother is one of the greatest gifts that came out of the “later in life” times we experienced together. The inspiration that was given to me from my father as I grew up still runs deep but what I learned from the opportunity to see the span of my mother’s entire life unfold has allowed me to see and understand her in a more authentic way than I could have ever known. Now I see and know her independence both when she was a child and as a young woman. I can now see the total picture— before dad and her life after dad. Through the last years people continued to remark about how independent Mom was and I was always the first to quickly agree. There were so many years lived on her own and her motto was always “Live each day and live it well”. The strength and independence didn’t come out of nowhere — it was hers all along.
I recently had a wonderful and unexpected reunion lunch with my dad’s first secretary. When she started working for him I was three years old and she continued to work for him for about twelve years. These were the years when I was growing up and she is one of the few people, if not the only person still living who knew my family during my childhood. As we talked I began to realize this and loved every story she had to share. The one thing she seemed to stress and remember so clearly about mom was How Strong She Was! She had a first hand chance to witness it for years. I was just a child.