Day by day it gets a little more difficult to write about the events. I rested well last night and felt ready for a new day with mom. She seemed quite restless all morning and didn’t want to eat much for breakfast or lunch. Leonor stopped in for a visit at noon and I got on the bed next to mom just as I have been doing for the past few days. All of a sudden mom sat straight up went into a major seizure — it just wouldn’t stop. The nurse came in and calmed her down. I had arranged for Hospice care earlier and will always remember the way they handled this afternoon for mom. Loving and caring hands surrounding her and comforting me. I left at around four in the afternoon and mom was sleeping peacefully. Hospice had arranged a 24 hour watch for her so she would never be alone alone. I returned at eight for find mom peacefully sleeping. Hospice encouraged me to go back to the house and sleep because mom was very settled. I returned early the next morning and stayed most of the day in the bed with mom. I didn’t know that would be my last day with her.
Part 2 added April 17th The part I couldn’t write until now but will never forget.
Mom was settled for the night and I am grateful the Hospice caretaker encouraged me to go back the the house and sleep. I could kind of let go. At about 3 in the morning I was awakened by a sound that resembled thunder and I guess it was but there had been no rain. Midwestern thunder storms are so loud and powerful it can feel like the entire sky is exploding and the lightning further intensifies it all. I’m always fascinated, excited and then somewhat disappointed when the times come up that I realize I’m afraid. This was different. It was like something I had never heard before and now when ever I think about it I’m taken back to how I felt being there listening to it. I felt like I could see the entire sky slowly and powerfully opening right down the middle. Dark clouds on either side rolling back in waves as if in preparation for mom’s arrival. I told myself that the Gates of Heaven where opening. I fought with the desire to race over to mom and make sure she was still alive. I didn’t but when I arrived in the morning it was really the beginning of her departure. I’ve since learned that the restlessness she was experiencing during that morning before her seizure is a sign of moving toward the end of life. Maybe the restlessness doesn’t always go into a seizure but the agitation was there. She did say to me that morning that she did not want to live anymore and I was grateful she was able know and express this. The rest of the day she was calm and beautiful — no more words were spoken but we all knew she could hear us and she knew we were there.