Guy and Nancy at Prairie Lawn Cemetery. Several hours after we buried Mom a severe storm came in with thunder, lightening, hail and tornado warnings. The Heavens spoke to Mom once again. April 18, 2015
“When is final – final? When is Closure closed?” I now accept that it is an ongoing process— the process has a completion or turning point and a new place is entered. It’s not an end—just the next place. I had tried to imagine how it would feel to take Mom’s ashes to Wellington and to bury her with my father and grandparents. I couldn’t let go of trying to imagine or prepare myself for how it would be—setting the stage for a new future. I had no idea how much more there would be for me and how it hold me.
I hadn’t realized how much I was still holding on to my old version of Mom. I continued to see her old needs and my own needs but those needs were gone. I didn’t have a new point of reference. This had become a habit — I was still protecting Mom. I couldn’t let go and I was unaware of the necessity to release her into what I saw as a vague emptiness. The Unknown appeared to be lonely and uninviting – even when I told myself it had to be. She was gone and I didn’t have a way of explaining that to myself in the context of the future. Where would I find her? How could I connect? Now I know she is truly Resting In Peace. She is finally Home with my father and her parents. It feels good. It feels Right – like the dots have successfully been contacted. I didn’t expect this and I am grateful for the clarity, comfort and peace of mind I feel.
Mom’s old next door neighbors.,Glen and Dee. They moved to a town near Wellington a few years ago and came to the burial. It made it all seem like more of a ceremony.
In a way I have to admit to myself that she is not Mine anymore. She is Dad’s now and that reunion has brought my whole family back together in a new and long forgotten context. There is a lot of history to uncover in the years of separation. I’m looking forward to putting together a vintage patchwork quilt with cherished family photographs. Memory Lane has never looked more inviting..