Getting started
Saturday morning once again is filled with new realizations and more turf covered.
We’ve moved most of the heavy items and it’s good to have that done. Mom has a hard time watching people go out of their way for her and wants to participate in some way. She is now at the point where it is difficult for her to just stand up and walk across the room. This is hard to watch I hope some renewed strength will come after she has moved and is familiar with her new surroundings. Today she will witness a constant activity of her neighbors boxing and carrying everything for her new household.
I’d been wondering how long I could keep myself in denial – not wanting to accept the increasing reality of gradually losing my mother in so many familiar ways. The inevitable came crashing through yesterday with an outburst of tears filled with sadness and fatigue. I really didn’t want mom to have to see this meltdown. It’s hard for me to watch her go through the variety of changes she is suddenly surrounded by. I mostly feel helpless and try to remind myself that this is all part of life’s natural cycle. This is usually not enough to calm me down as I continue combing every part of my being searching for something that might help her or hold her.
Meanwhile I am looking for the hidden blessings in things that appear to be going wrong. Our phone is “accidentally” disconnected for the entire weekend in case anyone has tried to call. At least we aren’t being bothered by solicitors and there is a certain peace that come with knowing the phone ever ring.