Valentine’s Day – today
Mom’s new casual Pixie look. Once again she is showing signs of the little Energizer Bunny that keeps going.
We’re off to a good start today. When I arrived this morning mom asked me if I had been in her room during the night. I said “No” and asked why? She said she had landed on the floor and was calling my name. When there was no answer she said there was a man behind her and he helped her get back into bed. I have checked with the front desk and no one was in the room for assistance which means she was able to get back into bed On Her Own. This is such good news. It is partially, or maybe mostly, because of the physical therapy she has been getting. The exercises she practices focus on her getting off the floor and knowing how to safely get back in bed. 
She has such a hard time believing that she can actually do something successful. Now I’m working on drilling this achievement into her head.
On frustrating note – Sherrelle has quit her attendant care job with no explanation and she was the Cinderella I was counting for mom four days a week. Now Benefits of Home is scrambling to find a replacement and I’m sifting through the dust. Hopefully Andrea will stay with the company for awhile. I loved the rapport I had developed with Sherrelle and that I continue to have with Andrea. I has become such a comfort to text questions and basically keep checking in on what mom is doing – how she is doing.
Read MoreMeltdown – a positive version
“Here Comes the Sun…
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting.”
Icicles in front of the early morning sunrise
My winter amazement and gratitude have expanded to Icicle Worship and a new definition for Snowed-In. I feel like I’ve been living inside in too many ways for too long and now it’s time to see what the light is shining on. I now know that when the icicles start to form it means the temperature is finally warm enough to start melting the snow. This is clearly a new thrill for me. And I have such an appreciation for being able to drive.
Mom is Better! That’s always a good sign even if I have learned to say it with caution. Monday was another check-up trip to the doctor and mom certainly doesn’t mind going off to the doctor in the “limo”. The UTI and the pneumonia are still present but at least they are not thriving like before. Unfortunately the gash on her arm is quite infected from the fall she took a week ago. I take full responsibility for that because I wasn’t paying enough attention to it. Now it has to be cleaned and re-bandaged twice a day. I’m beginning to think mom likes this extra attention. Or maybe she’s just attaching little strings here and there so I will never be able to leave.
Mom continues to be showered with compliments on her haircut.
I hope she isn’t thinking of introducing more falls into her daily life as some sort of aerobic exercise because the word “fall” is becoming the newest four letter word no one wants to hear. Yesterday I got a call that she had fallen- again – and that she was OK. Her version was that she just kind of slid off the bed. And then she said “I seem to be spending more time on the floor than anywhere else” I told her I was going to start calling her Humpty Dumpty.
It’s taken awhile but Anna finally came to see mom and it was such a sweet reunion. I feel very good about Anna wanting to help out with mom when I leave. Hopefully she will be a perfect back-up for mom when she needs more care that what is currently provided by Benefits of Home. Things are starting to get dollar signs attached to them. $ I’m trying my best to stay on top of things.
A new song for a new day:
Beautiful Day
Everything is coming up roses – in the snow.
The new haircut looks great and will be so easy for mom to manage.
Last night I had my first night back at the house in four days and it was a sweet relief to be able to leave mom alone for the night. She managed fine and tonight we are going to hopefully start another roll as she rises once again from the ashes. I’m sure no one enjoys reading the drama of the bad days but I can’t ignore them —in reality it has to finally come out in writing. A lot of the time I just dive into denial and listen to “Make the world go away” in my head. Mom’s memory collapse seems to have been built back up pretty well. She had a very productive session with her Speech Therapist on Friday and that’s a good sign. The therapists all love her and that gives her a lot more attention plus it helps assure they will continue providing the service. It’s kind of like she’s the teacher’s pet and the interaction is very good for her.
This is a record Snow on the Patio
The final number for snowfall is 12″ for Overland Park and some areas got as much as 17″. This creates a lot of Kansas adventure for me because even if I could have gotten the car out of the garage it’s unlikely I would drive on the icy roads. The snow fell mostly in on Wednesday afternoon and the highest the temperature has gotten since then is 21° which means none of the snow has melted yet. I do a lot of walking between the house and Garden Villas. Normally it’s only a 10 minute walk but with the snow on the ground I can’t take any of my short cuts so it takes a lot longer and sometimes I am literally knee deep in the snow. Fortunately it’s all still fun and good exercise. The temperature is mostly between 5° to 12° which I can manage when (always) I’m dressed properly.
I realize this is a lot of snow talk but this storm has broken all sorts of records. On Tuesday the Kansas City Airport broke a snowfall record going back to 1924. That was one day before I had originally scheduled my departure. That Wednesday departure was a long shot and I had already cancelled my reservation but I’m happy I wasn’t traveling on that day because a Southwest plane got stuck in the show at the airport. I didn’t bother to check if that was the flight I would have been on.
The Driveway Project. I found the snow shovel in the basement and took two scoops before quitting. The snow is only about 8″ deep in the driveway.
Surprise! This is what the driveway looked like after Good Neighbor, Paul came along and cleared the way for my afternoon exit.
So I’m cozy and warm and back at the house for the second night — hoping mom will really get her feet back on the ground long enough for me to feel like I can leave sometime soon and not have to return a week later.
I’m still reeling in gratitude for the neighborly support surrounding me while I’m here. Mom established such beautiful friendships with the people living around her and they all extend the love they have for her to me. It was really a big deal for me to be able to drive to the grocery store this afternoon and also do some quick errands. There is more snow in the forecast for tomorrow but it will be lite compared to what we experienced last week.
Read MorePart two …
10″ of beautiful snow fell on Wednesday.
The last post probably sounded a little vague but that’s because I find I’d rather be a little vague than describe some of the changes going on with mom. It’s difficult to watch her decline and even more difficult to try to stop it. When I am finally exhausted it feels like we have arrived at the end of the world. I pause – then comes the perfectly timed rebound and mom is back in the game. So, I pick up the pieces and go on. Each time there is a little less to hang on to. Now that mom’s infection seems to be cleared I’m realizing how much of a toll it has taken on her memory. Some kind of dementia is moving in. Monitoring this behavior is my newest assignment and I’m clueless about how to best approach it.
Mom has come to the point of truly enjoying and even appreciating her apartment. I now have to do everything I can to keep her here because she will need to move into a higher level of care if she is not able to manage her day to day lifestyle here. She manages the daytime fine with some extra attendant care but the nights are much harder to cover because she is alone for about 12 hours.
Mom is actually sound asleep and her legs flip back and forth across the bed.
I have been sleeping here a lot more than I had planned but it has given me first hand experience of the problem areas. The most important thing she needs to learn is to Ask For Help by pulling the emergency cord in her room. This is easier said than done.
Two nights ago she spent most of the night wildly thrashing all over her bed because of Restless Leg Syndrome. Finally a 2 am she flipped herself into the space between her mattress and the bed safety rail — she was wedged in beyond escape. I managed to pull out the railing and get her on the floor. She was not hurt and the night watchman arrived within 2 minutes and got her up and back in bed. Her only response was that he certainly was a nice man. Now I need to make her more aware of how she can get this “nice man” back into her room if she needs help.
Read MoreA Rock and a Hard Place – part one
Watching the snow fall all day.
I’m beginning to understand the concept of challenges and changes being gifts — forcing the learning curve into fast forward. Taking risks, raising the bar, blasting into unknowns — things I never had the nerve to do. Now there doesn’t seem to be any way out and I have no idea where we’re headed. Moment by moment we arrive in new situations — Quitting is not an option.
The best news is mom’s confusion has cleared a lot and she’s in good spirits. Now I need to determine how much of what was originally there is still with her. I watch her express childlike contentment when she’s engaging with others but when she’s quiet I’m not sure how much inner peace is being felt. It’s not so much that she is off in another world or lost – she just sometimes seems to be existing in a very small world and I have to keep narrowing down what she is actually retaining in our communication. She clearly remembers what’s important but unfortunately she is the one who decides what things are important.
Our last trip to the doctor gave me a new awareness of the danger of memory loss being a major side affect caused by most pain medications. The side affects really take a big chunk out of the miracles of medicine. How to decide which is worse – the pain or the memory loss is not easy.
The Silver Lining shines brightly
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun | Mom, Hazel, Naomi and Betty
Finally some sweet relief and more progress for mom. This has been one of those days that I would just like to hold on to for awhile and enjoy the comfort of everything being alright — just as it is. Savoring the moments but knowing that it will unfold on it’s own and in its own time. This Silver View will change but for now the timing is a perfect slice of life.
The stronger antibiotic seems to be tackling the confusion and loss of physical strength but now Mobility is mom’s issue. We are pretty much convinced this is a side affect from the first antibiotic she took and the pain in walking will fade — maybe as soon as tomorrow. Meanwhile I spent most of the day watching mom’s spirit come Alive & Well again.
Here’s a perfect shot of the table of the five men sitting behind mom every night. She continues to enjoy eavesdropping.
Mom had dinner in the dining room tonight for the first time in a week. This was a sweet coming together again with the “girls” at her table. Their bond is easily felt and such a comfort for me. Plus, many of the other residents stopped by the table and expressed how happy they were to see her back. She’s still so shy but her smiling face responds without words — which is a bonus because hearing issues are widespread.
The weather report for today seems to have dictated any plans that involve driving. I’m beginning to understand and respect the forecast and road conditions. Spending over an hour clearing ice and snow from mom’s car last month was my crash course in Cars & Snow along with my appreciation for mom’s garage. This afternoon at about 4:30 I scraped away the layer of ice forming on the car, drove it back to mom’s, and walked back to mom’s for a sleepover. Let it Snow!
Read MoreThe Hits Just Keep Coming
I guess mom’s Kodak Moment will have to wait awhile — or maybe just be The One That Got Away because she isn’t exactly a pretty picture right now. But, focus is slowly returning and that is showing me a lot more of what our new options are.
We have been taking field trips to the doctor’s office. Monday she was given a much stronger antibiotic after a chest X-ray detected pneumonia. There always seems to be a surprise popping out in this journey! The good news is that mom seems to be a lot more present in her speech and in her recognition.
Just when I thought there wouldn’t be a Kodak Moment!
Each day is a little better. Hopefully most of the confusion she has been experiencing is caused by infection. In her famous words Time will tell!
The doctor event for today is for her ankles because she is experiencing a lot of unusual pain when she walks. I know she had fall last Friday night because that’s when I got the first call from LifeLine. She was seemed Okay and didn’t appear to be hurt from falling. The night attendant put her back to bed and also called me at home to let me know what had happened. That was when I started to think I should return to Kansas. After I arrived she said her toe hurt and I could see a bruise. Now I’m thinking she may have also sprained her ankle. Garden Villas offers transportation for doctor visits and we are now taking advantage of that service. Wheel chairs are provided and Jeff, the driver, delivers and picks us up in a gold Cadillac. It’s sure a lot easier for me. We all know how much mom loves men so this is a special escort for her.
Read MoreNow you see me. Now you don’t
I’m not sure if I should have just stayed in Kansas or if there was some reason I had to go home to get a “call-back” to “come-back” Here I am again and mom has another major UTI. (Remember – that’s Urinary Track Infection) The new word in my medical vocabulary and I wish I wasn’t getting all of this first hand information on how serious it is. This one started last Friday and she has been on antibiotics since Saturday but she is still very confused and doesn’t really understand where she is and where all of the the furniture has come from is a big concern. I think she wants to rearrange it in hopes that it will clarify where she is. She wants to know how long she will be here but now we are talking about what’s happening to her. During the weekend she was telling people I was in the hospital – she often thinks she is in the hospital. Part of this is probably still a reaction from the whole transition of moving to Garden Villas. I’m told the adjustment usually takes about 6 months. The next two days will determine if she is going to come out of it or if this is going to be the new version of what she is trying so hard to call her “life”. It’s such a relief and to hear how much she likes everyone working here and looking after her.
……………………………………….. I had a week and a half back in California before I jumped back on a plane to Kansas to rescue mom again ………………………………………….
Read MoreIt’s Saturday Afternoon – Live
Take Five. If you have 5 minutes to ponder why not “spy on mom” and get something of an idea of what her life is like on a pretty active Saturday afternoon.
It might be easier to follow if I sub-title some of the action.
In Part One:
Mom has just returned from a Saturday afternoon musical performance at the Villas which apparently included lots of songs from her past that brought back nice memories. Garden Villas has events like this several times a month and there is usually a big turn out because all of the residents love to take a stroll down Memory Lane.
Part Two:
I’m attempting to get a efficient dining chair for mom with arms that will help her stand up and stay balanced. I’ve brought in a variety of chairs from the house and so far none have been acceptable. Mom seems to like this one but I must tell you it only lasted for one day.
Part Three:
Each week all of the residents are required to fill out a dinner menu for the following seven days. There are several choices with in each section of the daily menu and for mom to complete even one day is an accomplishment — to cover seven days is next to impossible without some assistance. In the end the real deal is – you get what you ordered. And they bring the original order sheet to the table along with the meal you have selected. There is no place for “I didn’t order this” This clip is just showing the menu process for Monday. It took about a half an hour to make the selections for all seven days.
Hindsight is 20/40
January 2014 I’ve been home for two days and am finally able to make something somewhat solid out of my thoughts and the way I left things in Kansas. It’s clear to me that I moved into “the House” this time and honestly enjoyed Being Home in Kansas. This made it harder for me to leave but also makes it more inviting to return. Still keeping in mind that things can change – and they usually do. Meanwhile I am enjoying moving back into my Home in California. Stand in the place where you live.
In the month I just spent with mom the most noticeable pattern I saw was how much more obvious her extremes are. Her middle ground of feeling “pretty good” for long periods of time seems to be losing ground and clarity.
The constant interruptions of staff coming in and out of her room help keep her active and alert during the day. Often her main activity is sleeping or kind of dozing. I know older people sleep a lot and this is a healthy thing. Mom has clearly gotten past her previous struggle with believing naps indicate some kind of illness or failed energy. She no longer says “I don’t know why I feel so tired” She sleeps, she has the TV on but isn’t really watching it and she looks at the paper but doesn’t read much. One of her best activities is talking on the phone and during those times she engages in actual conversations. I’ve noticed that she rarely makes phone calls on her own but loves to hear from and talk to her friends when they call. Sometimes I think she would rather talk on the phone than engage in conversations in person. Maybe she can just hear a lot better on the phone. Or, maybe it’s easier because there are fewer things for her to have to focus on.
The extremes on either side of the day are more prominent and predictable. She goes back and forth between them throughout most every day. When she is feeling Up she is Vibrant, Determined and Awake. There is no doubt that she will easily live to be over 100 and I am assured all is well. On the flip side I watch her struggle for enough energy or desire to make it to the next moment. She looks lost and feels helpless. This extreme is sad and scary for me to see.
One thing I know …
Mom has been living at Garden Villas for nearly six months now and it is very clear to me that she is in the best place and in the best hands that I could possibly know to be available for her. I feel assured that moving her out of her home was a good decision. She has personally managed this transition with flying colors and is gradually emerging herself into a community of new friends and a dedicated staff.