Do you think you are hard of hearing? … What?
One of the challenges of communicating and getting socially acquainted while living in Garden Villas is that most of the residents don’t hear much of what’s being said. Once something is said the interpretation is kind of a mixed bag and recall frequently fades into a silent vacuum. Conversation seems to be rare with one-liners being the norm. Compared to the rest of the residents I don’t think a hearing aide would be that much of a help for mom plus I don’t think she will ever sub come to using one. If forced it would probably just be added to the list of so many personal resources she has lost – especially in the last year. One more thing she can’t do very well, if at all, anymore. Usually she thinks her hearing is fine but there are times now when I can see she questions the quality.
During my last visit I would constantly say to myself “If I hear the word ‘What’ one more time I might explode”. In hindsight I realize I did overreact at times. Now I hear the word “What” as a regular response. I have managed to stay calm when I hear “What?” and slowly repeat whatever was just said LOUDER. Padding my efforts with patience. The Speech Therapy is addressing some of her hearing issues but I wonder what the lasting affect actually will be. My view is “It can’t hurt!” and the structured interaction is good for her.
Mom and Shirelle. aka Cinderella
The new girls from Benefits of Home continue to be on a good roll and I’m pleased that mom has been so accepting to this major change in her lifestyle. It’s still all so new and routines are being learned. They will not cover the territory Lucy and Anna spanned for mom but they are doing a good job. Most of the days are covered by Shirelle and I can see mom getting attached to her. In fact she calls her Cinderella.
Read MoreYou Are not the Target – You are on target
I’m still fascinated when I see the temperature is 0 º
I remind myself to keep events and feelings in Perspective. Keep myself centered and aware while things unfold in their own time. Easier said than done!
Mom continues to maintain a comfortable balance with the transition of the new caretakers and her ongoing sessions with the Physical Therapist. She understands the need for the extra exercise and I can witness increased strength, enthusiasm and mobility. She feels better and she looks better.
Cutting the ball fringe off the bedspread shows great focus and dexterity.
The Speech Therapist is all new activity for her and it’s harder for her to realize the benefits of the work she’s doing. It’s like she has a Talking Coach — she seems to like it. There are a lot of thinking exercises evaluating on how well her brain is responding. She seems to enjoy it and I am hoping it will improve her overall communication and unfocused speech patterns that have continued to crop up since her UTI (Urinary Track Infection) last November. That was my biggest Wake-Up call and at the time her behavior was a lot like she had had a stroke. She couldn’t get a complete sentence out of her mouth and was confused and unfocused. Now I know those are major signs of an UTI and need immediate attention.
Read MoreHome Away From Home
Patioscape
We had about 4″ of snow last night and the morning wake-up temperature was 7º. The view from every window in the house was a winter wonderland and the rooms were filled with warmth and white light.
In the last few days I have realized how much I have made myself at home here (Back at the House). As I take in the luxurious comfort of it all – I continue to cautiously ask myself why mom can’t be here enjoying it and living it with me. I know the answer but I keep pestering myself for more reassuring reasons. Often it just doesn’t seem fair. This morning I called mom to let her know I might not be coming to see her because of the weather conditions. She said she was fine and then I think she said her “house” was warm. She may not be calling The Villa “home” yet but she may be calling it her “House”. Progress!
At some point in the next week I will bring her back to the house because she wants to look for a few things she’s been missing. I know she really mostly wants to just look — I will hold my breath or I will just breathe because I can’t say “no”.
The bedroom remains the same and I have loved the bed since my earliest childhood memories..
I’m a little curious about what her reaction will be to the redecorating I have done in her absence. In the process of making myself at home furniture has been moved, pictures have been rearranged, plastic plants have been taken to the garage along with an overall stripping of knickknacks. She will notice the obvious changes right away but probably won’t see the drawers and cupboards that have been cleared out and cleaned. I won’t tell her I broke one of the Hummels. I doubt she will realize most of the furniture has been polished after collecting dust in some cases for 15 or 20 years. She never used the living room. It was always off-limits and she referred to it as Johnson’s Storage. It is now my favorite room in the house and I spend a lot of my time living in it. I do know I will never tell her that I actually open the blinds every day to let the light in and never give a thought to how it might fade the upholstery or carpet – which are both white.
Read MoreYou’ve Come a Long Way Baby
This blog and my care for mom has now been going on for more than one year. A year ago the focus was mom’s recovery from an unexpected six day stay in the hospital. Now the focus has turned to accepting life in it’s day to day stages and allowing events to evolve. Set backs can now often be treated using the lessons of experience. But, surprises are never far away.
A lot of the projections for 2014 are continuations of activities and accomplishments that began last year.
• Physical Therapy – Mom is now getting one hour of physical therapy three times per week. She didn’t resist and was hooked after the first session. She feels like she will be able to return to the daily exercise classes offered at the Villas once her strength is build up again. A year ago she complained about the Therapist that was assigned when she returned from the hospital. Eventually she began to adjust and could even admit the benefits. The real issue then was the very idea that someone would come into her home and help her. It had never happened before. Click here to see One Year Ago This was the first of many steps toward mom allowing assistance in to her home and daily life.
Free Parking is always available outside the dining room.
• Nutrition The best news is mom has gained nearly 10 pounds in the last year. It is helpful that she is surrounded by food and encouraged to eat. Meals on Wheels is still to be praised for getting her back on track last year. In hindsight getting Meals on Wheels to deliver still remains the biggest obstacle we faced as far as mom allowing any kind of help. Again, she adjusted and loved it.
• Medication Mom is now down to three pills and I’m still working on more cut backs. A year ago she took seven pills daily. Managing her medication has now moved to using the weekly pill boxes. It’s my intention to sign up for a Medication Management Program just to assure me that she is following through on her own. This kind of program is yet another “It’s new to me” service available for seniors. There’s always some new convenience available.
• Mobility The car and cane are parked. The walker is her new Wheels and she has no problem accepting her need to use it. However, she still talks about how much she would like to drive again.
Read MoreNew Year’s Eve Party at the Villas
Party Animals. Mom sharing her enthusiasm with Betty.
2014 was celebrated at 3pm. Looking at these photos doesn’t capture much of the enthusiasm expressed — I actually saw some residents having fun and giving it their personal best to bring in another year. There have been several seasonal parties and it’s reached the point where Enough is Enough.
However, mom was looking forward to this party all morning. I’m not sure why but I was happy to see her excitement. The entire day was “Last Call” for Lucy and her crew but mom seems to be accepting the change with her usual resilience. She is already getting antiquated with the new girls and will hopefully be bonded and in a good new routine before I leave. She has now been living here for five months and is slowly getting to know some of the other residents. This is what I would like to see grow because her friends thus far have been Lucy Anna and Kendra.
Who’s having the most fun here? Party hats and balloons, live music, delicious food, and a midnight (3pm) countdown with Champagne.
Carmen has worked at the Villas for 17 years and is a joy.
The kitchen and dining room are the heartbeat of the Villas. The staff is personal and extremely accommodating given the number of “oldies” they are expected to please. Soup, salad and dinner rolls come with every meal and there are always two choices for the entrée, vegetables and dessert.
Far too much food served but I have recently learned this is actually to protect the management (Corporation) more than it is to feed the residents. If the State finds that residents from this type of establishment are dying or being admitted to hospital because of malnourishment they are watched more closely. It’s tricky because older people often don’t want to eat much or even eat at all. Piles of food are placed in front of them in high hopes of tempting them to eat as much as they can. It’s very hard for mom to see so much food wasted. She brings her leftovers back to her room— only to be thrown away later.
Read MoreFarewell to Lucy
Kendra | Lucy | Anna
I was happy when Lucy slipped into mom’s room to get dressed up for the party.
When I see this photo of mom sitting on Lucy’s lap I’m reminded of the fun they have had together.
Click on the image to watch a Quick Video
The Friday Happy Hour at the Villas was a farewell party for Lucy, Anna and Kendra. It was more like a “I’m happy to have know you” event. Lucy has been working here for 13 years and her exit will certainly trigger a new beginning for mom as well as many of the other residents. I am grateful Lucy has been such a close part of mom’s transition and can’t imagine how she could have made the progress she has made without Lucy. Lucy and Anna have become her closest friends and given her strength, personal care and guidance. In a very loving way they have given her a new place to call home.
The new team from Benefits of Home have started integrating into mom’s daily routines and seem to be moving in a positive direction. They will officially take over on New Year’s Day.
Kodak Moments – Christmas 2013
Leonor showered mom with gifts and love.
An impressive collection of photos taken of Guy during the many hikes he takes with his friend Don
Christmas Eve I’m looking forward to the Christmas photos that will begin to show up on this page as we get closer to Christmas – hour by hour. Mom is feeling good and is downstairs having her hair done as I write this note. But wait – there will be more.
• • • • • • • • • • • • •
Now it’s the day after Christmas and I find myself summing Christmas Day up in just one word — “Awkward” It seems like every year mom says “It just doesn’t seem like Christmas” and this year hearing her repeat that through out the day seemed all too accurate. There were some pleasant moments but most of the daily events felt like an endurance test. It’s not my intention to detail the highs and lows but just to acknowledge that we successfully passed through the hours. Fortunately Christmas Eve was a heartwarming time together and felt a lot more like Christmas.
The new arrangement is finally acceptable.
On Christmas morning I arrived to peacefully listen to nothing but complaints which actually continued most of the day. With in the first five minutes I was moving her bed and rearranging her entire room because of some “unknown heat” that seemed to be coming from the wall next to her bed and was making her sick. She insisted that this had nothing to do with her regular room heat which she keeps between 79 and 80 degrees – all year. I believed her because this was not the first time she had mentioned a problem with this “heat” Later in the morning the management arrived with an attachment for the heat vent that redirected the heat away from “the wall”. It seemed to work almost instantly – but later in the afternoon mom announced that she thought she liked her bed the way it was before. I managed to hold off any more room changes for a least a day just to see how the new arrangement would work if given a chance. The Joys of Christmas arrived a day late.
Click on the link below for more Christmas photos
Christmas Gallery
‘Twas the week before Christmas
A trip to the doctor is mom’s first outing in over one month.
It’s been smooth sailing for nearly one week now and I’m enjoying times and situations that I would like to see as the model for her daily routine. There are now four ladies at the dinner table which seems to keep it alive even though there is not too much conversation due to hearing issues. Mom still sits in her original place at the table. Her main enjoyment continues to be eavesdropping on the table of men directly behind her. From what I have been able to hear it is pretty much the same conversation every night. A man name Jim is the self appointed MC and the table topics are mostly limited to the war or sports.
Mom had a positive visit to the doctor and now weighs 84 lbs. That’s a new record for the year and now she’s worried about gaining weight. She keeps trying to grab the area around her mid-drift to show me where she is putting it on.
Mom with Betty waiting for the Christmas party doors to open.
There is Christmas activity everywhere and at this point I think I’ve have seen every version of “those” festive red Christmas sweaters. They’re all bursting with sparkling sequins, applique and little nicknacks – it can be over whelming to take in forty or fifty of them all in one sitting.
The new caregivers from Benefits of Home will start their “shadowing” on Monday morning after the first attempt failed last Wednesday morning. The new girl worked with Lucy and Anna for about two hours and then said she was sick and wondered who she should talk to about going home. This was not a good first impression for Benefits of Home to convince me that they will be able to handle what they are taking on beginning January 1, 2014. Poor Lucy is rightfully worried that her clients will now be left without enough care. It will be interesting for me to watch from the sidelines next week while I gather information about how much extra help I’ll need to set up for mom. My current favorite plan is to hire Anna. Mom really likes her, knows her very well now and will be missing her when she’s not around.
Read MoreWhiplash – Mama Drama at rest
Anna caught us heading off to the dining room.
Sunday was one of those days where I stepped back and watched mom once again make her way to the top of my Amazing List. And now that I recall the day’s events I realize I am riding on a roller coaster again. The highs and the lows. The back and forth. The extremes can be unnecessarily harsh but they do have a way to guide me to some kind of balance. I think every day will offer some kind of a juggling act and I will try hard not to be caught by surprise.
Mom was happy all day on Sunday and the lost and faraway look did not ever make an appearance. She kept saying how good she felt – in fact the best she had felt in a long time. She wondered why and I felt a sweet relief.
Finally a chance to get organized and make some appointments.
The only scratch in the perfect day was the arrival of the Sunday evening caregiver I had hired. I honestly thought it was working and mom had accepted it. Wrong. In fact, very wrong. I don’t think I have ever seen mom so stiff and unavailable to someone in her presence. It could not have been more clear that she wanted her to leave and never wanted to see her again. This uncontrolled anger was a little awkward for me to witness especially since the caretaker was doing her best to make ugly energy – pretty. She finally left and I realized the encounter had provided some helpful insight for me. I quickly reminded mom that there were going to be a lot of new faces in the next few weeks. I know she is trying to understand that there will be an adjustment when Lucy and Anna are no longer the ones that are there for her.
Read MoreDoor #3
I think it’s impossible for mom to put on anything yellow without saying “Yellow Yellow – Catch a fella”
Perhaps this is a new way for me to see mom having fun because it took a long time for the slight smile to appear on her face.
Friday the 13th arrival I have an uncomfortable feeling like I bit off more than I can chew yet I haven’t even taken my first bite. Yikes! It’s been just a little over 24 hours and today I’ve witnessed mom go through what seem to be “places or stages in her daily life”. My somewhat unannounced early arrival last night was a sweet reunion. Mom looked beautiful and she pulled off “together” very well. I told myself everything was Okay. Maybe I was too tired to read anything more and it’s really what I wanted to see – and believe. She was so happy to see me even though she had told me not to come early.
Today I gradually got acquainted with what seems to be her new daily routine.
Closet Case – The final touches before church.
The most noticeable thing I see is a distant expression especially in her eyes and I wonder – “Where is she going?” Is she seeing some distant place? It’s is a question or observation that caught my attention during previous visits but it is much more active now. It doesn’t necessarily feel like a bad place – it’s just a place that doesn’t seem to be here. Maybe tomorrow will show a little more stability or focus for me to to grasp.
A picture is worth a thousand words. Mom wanted to get dressed and go to church this morning. She exercised immense mental determination to get dressed and go down the hall to where church takes place. Yes, she did it but now I look at the photo of her and see by the expression on her face I realize how exhausting it was – her physical effort drained any of the enthusiastic energy she had mustered up. Later in the day there was an afternoon Christmas entertainment event in the auditorium. I know mom loves Christmas carols but I could see she needed a little encouragement. Again she was determined to attend and later she talked about how much she enjoyed it.
Eyes of the World
Saturday Night Dinner It was fun to join mom for dinner and especially to see Hazel again. The dining room experience is really the strongest social situation she is involved in and I can see how much she enjoys being there. I loved seeing her eat so much of everything because I know she usually just enjoys the soup & rolls. Usually she kind of “picks” at the main meal until the dessert arrives. Everyone is on her case to Eat More!
But my favorite photo of the day is of her finally resting in bed after a very long day with a peaceful expression of calm and beauty.
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