Up in the air again and I’m about one hour from landing. Tonight I will see mom in the hospital. Recent events and communications continue to be vague – I’m surrounded by all new territory to maneuver in. I can’t imagine how I will find mom when I see her – I do my best to stop my imagination from coming up with possibilities. I feel like she is being hit from all directions and meanwhile I’m try to find my own grounding in some kind of limbo. Bonding with the unknown again.
I attempt to bring in wider perspectives to make room for all of these changes and allow more possibility. Take a look at the big picture again. I tell myself stories of how mom’s strength has pulled her out of so many jams in the last year. She amazes me every time.
There was actually an event that made me laugh. When I talked to the nurse in Cardiology she told me that they had gotten mom all hooked up on her IVs and who knows what else and left her alone to settle in and rest. When the nurse returned to the room mom had ripped out all of the IVs, jumped out of bed and stood there looking at the nurse – naked. There’s that resilience we’re all counting on! However, after that there was no way to get the IVs back in and a more advanced and risky procedure was required.
I have a hard time when doctors call me at home when they need my consent to take further steps. I don’t have a comfortable response and they just need a basic “Yes or No”. Somewhere inside I am saying/screaming “Now what are you going to do to mom?” Stop. As procedures and test results become more complicated I feel like a foreign language is spoken. Yes, everything is carefully explained to me but I just can’t translate most of what is said. I guess there isn’t an explanation for layman. Actually, I feel the same way when a car mechanic starts going into detail about my engine. What?
……..
I just saw mom and it was better than I expected. She seemed pretty good and is looking like she wants to come back to life.
She lost a lot of blood and they are doing tests tomorrow to see if they can find out why. Meanwhile she is getting two units of new blood.
No word on how long she will be there but I’m sure ill find out more tomorrow.
She had a little physical therapy this morning and it seems like that will be a daily thing.