January 2014 I’ve been home for two days and am finally able to make something somewhat solid out of my thoughts and the way I left things in Kansas. It’s clear to me that I moved into “the House” this time and honestly enjoyed Being Home in Kansas. This made it harder for me to leave but also makes it more inviting to return. Still keeping in mind that things can change – and they usually do. Meanwhile I am enjoying moving back into my Home in California. Stand in the place where you live.
In the month I just spent with mom the most noticeable pattern I saw was how much more obvious her extremes are. Her middle ground of feeling “pretty good” for long periods of time seems to be losing ground and clarity.
The constant interruptions of staff coming in and out of her room help keep her active and alert during the day. Often her main activity is sleeping or kind of dozing. I know older people sleep a lot and this is a healthy thing. Mom has clearly gotten past her previous struggle with believing naps indicate some kind of illness or failed energy. She no longer says “I don’t know why I feel so tired” She sleeps, she has the TV on but isn’t really watching it and she looks at the paper but doesn’t read much. One of her best activities is talking on the phone and during those times she engages in actual conversations. I’ve noticed that she rarely makes phone calls on her own but loves to hear from and talk to her friends when they call. Sometimes I think she would rather talk on the phone than engage in conversations in person. Maybe she can just hear a lot better on the phone. Or, maybe it’s easier because there are fewer things for her to have to focus on.
The extremes on either side of the day are more prominent and predictable. She goes back and forth between them throughout most every day. When she is feeling Up she is Vibrant, Determined and Awake. There is no doubt that she will easily live to be over 100 and I am assured all is well. On the flip side I watch her struggle for enough energy or desire to make it to the next moment. She looks lost and feels helpless. This extreme is sad and scary for me to see.
One thing I know …
Mom has been living at Garden Villas for nearly six months now and it is very clear to me that she is in the best place and in the best hands that I could possibly know to be available for her. I feel assured that moving her out of her home was a good decision. She has personally managed this transition with flying colors and is gradually emerging herself into a community of new friends and a dedicated staff.