For me it was the new white
It’s a California rainy day and perfect for Inside Jobs. I’m reminiscing — remembering the feeling of content I experienced in Mom’s house last year at this time when the snow quietly appeared and kept us inside all day. Outside the windows everything that once looked familiar was covered in white. We were snowbound. We were warm and we were safe. There was nowhere to go and no better place to be. In hindsight those were among the days I cherish most with my time spent with Mom. Even then I knew it was a gift and I appreciated it. Now as I unwrap the gift of those times I see precious lifetime memories — mostly.
The voices inside my head keep shouting at each other and pressure me to keep up My Mom Blog. it’s different now because we no longer have our “day-to-day” for me to blog about. I don’t want it to be a sad story but I don’t want it to end. I guess I want the Fairytale version. And, everyone lived happily ever after.
Back to the blog! Meanwhile I’ve let some significant Happy events pass by without writing them down.
• In September the Kansas City Royals were in the World Series. They held on until the seventh inning of the seventh game. This was history.
• Mom’s 98th birthday was November 1st. The same day as The Day of the Dead but this year it took on a deeper significance for me. The Day of the Dead is a day to celebrate those loved ones who have passed. All Saints Day. A perfect day to Celebrate Mom’s life!
I’m starting to run a little memory playback in my mind that I call ‘This time last year” where I replay what was happening then but those days were mostly the beginning of our toughest times. I’ve been told that with a certain amount of time bad memories fade and then it’s the good ones that fill the new vision of what was. It then becomes a pretty picture and everyone does live happily ever after. But now, the difficult times are starting to surface and I don’t like it. It makes me want to go back and change things that happened or decisions I had to make. I want to edit the story. I know I can’t really do that but I still feel like I want to fix something. Reconstruct Memory Lane. I know I have to look at this part of the story but I also know it won’t always look bad. A year ago mom and I were both realizing our challenge was really bigger than both of us could comprehend and we did our best to be with it. At that time I don’t think either one of us gave the future much realistic thought. Our life was contained in the Moment — we didn’t need to know this would be our last year together. I will forever be grateful for mom’s amazing strength and loving way. She carried the weight with Grace. She continued to repeat her lifelong motto “Live each day and live it well” and she did just that.
“Here’s looking at you, kid.” Leonor put a smile on Mom’s face like no one else could.
Mom loved to visit her doctor’s office because she was always a star. When asked “How are you doing today?” she would quickly reply with her subtle sense of humor. If she was feeling good she would say “I‘m still among them” and if she was feeling bad she would say “Dig a hole”
Mom first met Leonor at the doctor’s office and after that she was never very far out of reach for help and for friendship. The very mention of Leonor’s name was often enough to pull Mom away from most any hard rock she might be trying to push through. The very sight of her coming into the room would light Mom up like her special Angel had just arrived to fix everything.
I love the photo Leonor took of Mom less than a month after her move into Garden Villas. It reminds me of how happy mom was in her new surroundings – at least in the beginning.