It has been a slow process for me to return to Mom’s blog. But it’s also been impossible for me to let the whole blog just end with the Memorial. That was the last post. Three and a half months have now passed and new events have been writing the “what’s next?” chapters. I still have no definition for myself to explain what the loss of my mother has created in my life or what will come to fill the emptiness. As time goes by I realize that the safety that my denial initially provided is no longer available to me. She’s gone. I’ve been told that I just have to be sad for some time — a long time. So, I’m getting acquainted with Mourning.
Mother’s Day at Unity Village. This is where I would like to spend Mother’s Day every year.
Shortly after the Memorial I made two trips back to Kansas to get things in order — the house, the car and most of mom’s lifetime possessions. I also needed to give myself a sense of closure with friends I made, neighbors and to my Kansas roots in general. I know there will be more trips to Kansas for me in the future but they will never be the same. The first trip will be when Guy and I return for a final memorial in Wellington. We will take mom’s ashes to the cemetery where dad and mom’s mother and father are. Meanwhile mom is in Lawrence with cousin Sharon— I just couldn’t pack her in my suitcase or put her in my Carry-On and bring her to California.
My two trips back to Kansas without mom being there were not easy but there were still things that needed to be done, a lot of unfinished business. I didn’t have time to admit to myself that mom was really gone. I did realize that when I was in Kansas there was a huge part of mom that was still very much alive and that protected me from the reality of her death. I loved being in the presence of those who knew her and loved her. I made many visits to Garden Villas and Delmar Gardens where everyone just wanted to talk about mom. They missed her.
The final photo of “the house”.
Trying to sell a forty year old house is really asking for stress. Fortunately I was very happy with the real estate agent, Pam. Mom knew her well because she lived in the neighborhood many years ago. She still loved the neighborhood, the schools and the Location-Location-Location. We bonded easily and developed a friendship that I hope will continue. However, the initial home pre-inspection pretty much reduced the house to a can of worms. Far too many unexpected things were “very wrong”. The roof, the wiring, the foundation and more frightening things I had never even heard of. Then very good news came out-of-the-blue. I knew, and even mom had known, that we would probably need a new roof and this was the first thing that came out of the inspector’s mouth. But, a major hail storm had pounded the neighborhood only three weeks after mom died and the roof was severely damaged. Mom’s insurance company paid for an entire new roof! Suddenly “as-is” looked a lot better. The house went on the market and three hours later a family made an offer for asking price. Somehow in the end it all looks so easy but it was a bumpy ride until it finally closed. Another closure.
Guy and Frine renewed their wedding vows on their 15th anniversary.
Meanwhile Guy and I have been recovering and returning to our daily activities. A very touching event was for Guy and Frine to renew their marriage vows in the Catholic Church in Seaside. On June 27th their vows were renewed in a Catholic church in Seaside. The reunion ceremony was celebrated in Monterey with dinner and entertainment at the Embassy Suites for family and friends.