I really don’t like the thought that I have to blow up and get into some kind of flareup with mom to break through to a step further. We’ve never had this kind of “communication” until the last few years when it surfaced. I’m sure it has to do with me telling her what to do and that’s understandable. My “suggestions” for a change in her life style are not easily received. It happened six months ago when the very idea of Meals on Wheels first came up as a possible necessity. That was not a pretty discussion at the time but today she sees the value. Now the Meals on Wheels delivery is a major focal point every Monday through Friday.
So, after all of my excitement from our visit to Garden Villa I didn’t want her to relapse into her “nothing needs to happen right now” zone. We hit the crash zone again. My patience slid to the back seat and road rage took the wheel. There we stood in the parking lot of Stein Mart yelling “pointless points” at each other. I was hoping no one was overhearing this and considering reporting it as a case of elder abuse.
But, much later I realized how it had cleared the air and we were both ready to keeping moving forward. Sometimes I think I should let go of being so patient and put some force behind what I’m trying to maneuver.
I told mom that I was not my intention to make her move. Right now I was not asking her to pack her suitcase and decide what furniture she wanted to take with her. But, while I was here I needed to know what options were available for her when she decided to move or (more importantly) if something unexpected happened and she HAD to move while I was back in California. She needed to realize that when I am here and see here going through her more difficult days when she “doesn’t feel good” – I was not convinced she could take the best care of herself, on her own – all of the time. I let her see that I do not want to be back home and get a call telling me something serious has happened and the time to move is NOW. I don’t want to be searching through the yellow pages to quickly find a place for her to call home. And, looking at what is available is in no way forcing a commitment for her to move right now. We need to look at as many options as we can while I am here.
Well, that’s about as soft as I can make it sound.