I told mom I was leaving next week and the following morning she had sort of relapsed – just when good progress was being made. I was expecting a reaction so I just followed it through the day. I talked to her but I didn’t know if my words were having any effect – I never do. She cancelled her dentist appointment, she voiced familiar old morning ailments and complaints. I hated hearing these again. I watched her get in and out of bed, she didn’t get dressed, she didn’t make her bed – she said she just didn’t feel good. It was like watching reruns. But something seemed stronger this time and I felt her “shift” was still alive and kicking. I held my breath. She didn’t eat much breakfast But she managed to correctly take her pills. She nearly collapsed twice and I knew a certain weakness had returned. But at 10:30 she was gearing up to go to her second exercise class – did I mention that there are a lot of men attending these daily exercise classes?
A picture is worth a thousand words. Lucy and her flock of angels keep everything running behind the scenes – they continue to make it all possible.
I watched her get dressed and I’m pretty sure her shirt was on backwards. I peeked out the door when she left and saw that she was resting on a chair about half way down the hall. I knew she was weak but she was determined to get to the class. She got up and started walking again and I could see that she was about to take a wrong turn. I just kind of appeared out of the blue and redirected her. She made it to the class! An hour later, after the class, she was still kind of glum with not much interest in lunch or anything at all. But as she looked at her still unmade bed she said “This is the first morning I haven’t made my bed”. I was relieved that she noticed and seemed to care. She slept the rest of the afternoon But she was ready for dinner a five.
The next morning when I arrived at 7:30 with high hopes I was happy to find her already up and dressed. The bed was made and she was sitting in her chair waiting for her breakfast. She had a busy day ahead. Exercise at 10:30, shower with Lucy at noon, hair appointment at 2:30 and dinner at five. Plus, I talked her into going to Happy Hour at 3:30.
It’s time for me to Let Go – let go to the point of separation. Give up my surveillance, my arranging and my sense of control. Accept a parting of ways and allow mom’s strenght to hold her and carry her.
Up and ready to go before breakfast has arrived.
When mom gets up in the morning and makes her bed right away it’s my way of knowing she’s doing fine.