Worst Case Scenario

It’s about six in the morning and I’m looking at the day ahead as the one where I finally might just give up. I feel like I have tried everything in the books and am now trying not to accept my own failure – just like mom. She continues to feel like she has either failed or she has done something wrong. She has tried beyond her limits to progress in therapy, strength and in her basic daily life. The only thing she really knows to live by is “right or wrong” and this is clearly not right. Yesterday I spent most of the day watching her exhaust herself to a point where she couldn’t even sleep or eat —just like me. There was a desperate closeness between us that seemed to separate us from the world going by.
I try to stay away from blame, regret and all of the What ifs?  because somewhere I do still hold on to a belief in the bigger picture and know I just need to look at things from a different viewpoint. Now I wait to see what the rest of the day has in store. I do know I need to finish clearing out and moving moms attempt at Independent Living. Everything must be out by the end of the month.  Most of what we moved to Garden Villas will stay in mom’s garage for now. This feels a little more like going in reverse rather than moving forward but I remind myself that I’m tired and I know there is a better way to look at it.